Christmas isn’t for everyone. Whether it’s because of religion, bad memories, or a strong love for a different holiday, there are plenty of explanations for why someone wouldn’t get into the spirit every December. Unfortunately, unless you never leave your house from November to January, it’s almost impossible to avoid Christmas festivities. If you step foot into any public space—a store, a shopping mall, a restaurant, even a doctors office—that has an overhead speaker, chances are your ears will be assaulted by Christmas music. It’s simply unavoidable.
Not all songs about the holiday are necessarily festive, however. Tumblr user cloudfreed proffered seven subgenres of Christmas music in this Tumblr post:
I would like to further expand this list by breaking down four subgenres of anti-Christmas music:
1. Hating your extended family
2. The financial and social stress of the holidays
3. Dealing with a bad breakup during the holidays
4. Straight up violence
Although you likely won’t hear any carolers singing these tunes, Christmas haters can find some comfort during the holiday season by seeking out the following songs for commiseration.
1. Hating your extended family
Frickin A – Merry Merry Merry Frickin Christmas
A drunk aunt, a perverted uncle, an adulterous sister-in-law… That doesn’t quite sound like fun company to keep, does it? But for many people, that’s what a family gathering looks like. It’s easy to understand why someone would dread Christmas if it entails hanging out with messy, embarrassing relatives.
Dropkick Murphys – The Season’s Upon Us
Some families really put the “fun” in “dysfunctional.” It’s difficult to feel jolly when your holiday mostly consists of being harassed by bratty children and criticized by nitpicking parents. There’s a reason that alcoholic eggnog exists.
2. The financial and social stress of the holidays
The Waitresses – Christmas Wrapping
Although this song ultimately has a happy holiday ending (yawn), the majority of it deals with the exhaustion of trying to maintain Christmas cheer. With stressors like freezing weather, dinner preparation, and sending cards to everyone you know, it can feel like the best way to celebrate the holiday is to skip it altogether.
The Kinks – Father Christmas
I originally considered listing this as an example of straight up violence, what with all the talk of beating up Santa Claus; however, the kids in this song aren’t just mindlessly bloodthirsty punks. On the contrary, they reject the senseless materialism of Christmas when there are people who can’t even afford basic necessities. You can’t eat toys, after all.
3. Dealing with a bad breakup during the holidays
Fall Out Boy – Yule Shoot Your Eye Out
Non-material gifts have been gaining some popularity recently, but this usually refers to experiences that involve quality bonding time. In this pun-derfully titled song, the singer is asking for the exact opposite: all he wants for Christmas is for his ex to stay far, far away from him, and for them to feel miserable in the process.
All Time Low – Merry Christmas, Kiss My Ass
Although Valentine’s Day is arguably the worst possible day of the year to get dumped, Christmas is a close second. It’s perfectly reasonable to hold a bitter grudge against someone who would choose to break your heart during what’s supposed to be the most wonderful time of the year.
4. Straight up violence
Set It Off – This Christmas (I’ll Burn It To The Ground)
The singer of this song does not beat around the bush about just how much he despises Christmas. He hates it so much, in fact, that the holiday season turns him into a pyromaniac. The Grinch may have ruined Christmas by stripping Whoville of everything festive, but at least his crimes didn’t include arson!
The Nightmare Before Christmas – Kidnap The Sandy Claws
I’m very grateful to The Nightmare Before Christmas for giving me a whole soundtrack of songs that I can put in both my Halloween and Christmas playlists. Instead of joyfully anticipating Santa Claus’s arrival, this song fantasizes about ways to kidnap and torture the “big red lobster man.” I’m personally partial to Korn’s version from the Nightmare Revisited album.
BONUS
Subwoolfer – Having Grandma Here For Christmas
I would like to wrap up this list with a song that simply defies categorization. Although the music is fun and upbeat, the theme is dark and disturbing: cannibalizing your grandmother for Christmas dinner. That certainly goes against the traditional family values of the holiday! This duo of singing wolves from the moon (who represented Norway at the Eurovision Song Contest in 2022 and landed a Top 10 placement, by the way) also just recently dropped another morbidly funny song, this one about accidentally killing Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer. If they keep this up, they just might become the kings of anti-Christmas songs.
