B MOVIE CHALLENGE: Order of the Black Eagle

The Order of the Black Eagle (1987) - IMDb

Way back when (maybe on Tuesday or Wednesday) the highest order of chivalry in the Kingdom of Prussia was The Order of the Black Eagle. I would like to think the filmmakers of this 80s VHS consortium of Nazisplotation expected to receive this medal at the premiere. Sadly, they only got blank faces and chuckles from the crowd when a monkey gives the bras d’honneur. Yes, I am not making this up. Want proof:

MONDO BIZARRO: Rare Flix: Order of the Black Eagle

The 1980s gave us a lot of stuff; Reganomics, crinkled hair, and funny feet ice cream. Throw in a cool glass of New Coke and a trip to the video store on a Friday night and you were bound to see independently produced action films like this, or its predecessor Unmasking the Idol made by the same team. Movies like this were common and often very profitable, garnering their budget in the home video sales market alone, not counting foreign or TV rights. The team who comes along for the journey does look like they are having a fun time and  Ian Hunter, playing our hero agent Jax (what a Jax-ass!) does his best with the material he is given, but certainly has a few prevalent chin-lifts to do before being considered for 007. 

The general gist of this Every Which Way But Loose meets B.J. and The Bear parcelled with some Shock Waves and sprinkled with some A View to a Kill film is… well, to be honest, I can’t tell you. Oh, I could, but honestly, there is no point. You get the VHS from Vestron, pop it into your Emerson VCR DA-4-Head VHS HQ Video Cassette Player/ Recorder VCR4003A, and have a fun little evening. But I know there are some of you out there who want more than what I’m giving (so just for you) here is a general summarization. Our Bondian-wannabe agent is moving up in the spy world, along with the help of his bazooka baboon buddy Boon (real creative on the pet naming, I know), until he is thwarted by the evil millionaire Baron Ernst von Tepisch, a neo-Nazi Orson Wells looking Mo-Fo. From there (if you care) is a mix of guns, girls, and Indiana Bond ripoffs from the left, right, up, down, in, out, any which way they can go in this independent actioner. 

Coming in a blown-up ninety-three minutes and explosively directed by Worth Keeter (who went on to give us classics like Rottreillwer 3D (aka Dogs from Hell) and Snapdragon), you can find this little agent of destruction streaming on Amazon prime or you have a special “For Your Eyes Only” double feature DVD of this along with the classic(ish) Sgt. Clarin Bullet for Your Head. So should you choose this mission, pop in your exploding VHS tape, eat some fried double-Oreos, and never say you never watched this secret service of 80s action. 

About Ian Klink

As a filmmaker, writer, and artist, Ian Klink’s work includes the feature film Anybody’s Blues and short stories for Weren't Another Way to Be: Outlaw Fiction Inspired by Waylon Jennings, Negative Creep: A Nirvana-Inspired Anthology, A-Z of Horror: U is for Unexplained, The Creeps, Vampiress Carmilla, The Siren’s Call, and Chilling Tales For Dark Nights. Born and raised in Iowa, Klink lives with his family in Pennsylvania where he shares his talents as a teacher of multimedia studies.

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