B Movie Challenge: Tormented

Recent studies have shown that in contemporary America, more than seventy percent of couples will have an affair before they tie the knot. Of those, more than six hundred will be murdered by their significant others (talk about killer relationship goals), but I would doubt any of those tragic murders happened by falling off a lighthouse because of a faulty railing (they always say to be on GUARDrail for red flags). So if you are getting those wedding bell blues, here are just a few things of advice I can offer to prevent ending up like a ghost covered in seaweed like the ex-girlfriend

  1. DON’T CHEAT!
  2. Reread step one. Repeat. 
  3. Take your significant other to the airport. People are who they truly are when something bad happens at the airport. 

If only the man in this movie had taken this advice before he rekindled his love affair and (maybe) accidentally killed her maybe he wouldn’t have been walking around his beach house like he saw a ghost in the semi-classic (but appropriately named) Tormented.

Bert I. Gordon, a GIANT in the cult-classic film industry, was known for making BIG movies on TINY budgets. Among some of his infamous films were The Amazing Colossal Man, Attack of the Puppet People, and King Dinosaur (movies with HIGH hopes for sure), but now and then he veered from the footsteps of the Jolly Green Giant and walked the line of more believable stories. You know, like spooks with floating heads! Although the story is from Gordon as well, he does owe Noel Coward’s few dinners (to prevent a lawsuit) from doing a funnier yet shocking (or dare we say schlocky) version of Coward’s Blithe Spirit. In a long-spanning career of optical effects with giant bunny rabbits and one-eyed biggie beasts, it can’t be denied Gordon took a risk that paid off in certain ways. Although the ghost effects were the equivalent of what weatherman do on Halloween in front of their blue screens, they worked for the early 60s and made the audience pay attention. It also was a step in the right direction to dive (off the rocks) into the psychological abyss with the story, which was not seen in his previous efforts like Serpent Island and Beginning of the End (you could say he got the crickets were at a super LOWcust). Utilizing one location by the sea with these cheap but effective gags does put this film above most quickie-flickies of this era, even if the plot is a little hard to soak up. 

Living the dreamlife of a bachelor on a remote lighthouse beach, or trying to live out what are the last days of his bachelor days before he gets married to his girlfriend Meg (mazel tov), jazz musician Tom starts to play a little intermezzo with an ex-flame named Vi. As he tries to clean his spit valve one last time, Vi makes it a little hard (not going there) and is going to blow her horn on their affair if he doesn’t leave Meg. However, before she can do so she leans against the lighthouse guardrail that breaks and she falls to her death. Though Tom’s hands are lean (if not a little pinkish), he feels he can’t afford the scandal by telling anyone and lets her float to Davy Jones’ locker. Magically now super focused on getting married to Meg as fast as he can, it comes as no surprise that well has run dry in his writing and patience. If there is anything we have learned from years of (terribly) good Lifetime movies, it will be hard to cite wedding vows when you have murder on the brain. As the guilt builds up, including a witness in Meg’s younger daughter (Grodon’s real-life daughter Susan Gordon), Vi comes to haunt him, either as a footprint appearing in the sand, a moving hand (it’s an impressive THING), or a talking, singing floating head (her singing will give you a headache)! Will Tom find a way to rid himself of Vi… again, or will Vi try to scare up an extra plate at the reception? To find out you might have to put on a swimsuit and dip your toe into the honeymoon (sweet) spa waters of Hollywood haunts.

Screenshot

Surfing your way at an illuminating sixty minutes, and featuring a lifted score from William Castle’s House on Haunted Hill, Gordon would go on to other non-big people films like Picture Mommy Dead and The Mad Bomber before returning with a couple of giant animal movies based on H.G. Wells stories The Food of the Gods and Empire of the Ants (Yep, the one where Joan collins battles a giant ant). Due to the film splashing into the public domain, this title haunts most streaming platforms and mass collections, but be sure to get your hands on the new HD transfer from Film Masters, featuring special interviews. Take my advice – the next time you find yourself having a little bit of an indecently proposed fatal attraction with someone who wants to marry you, at least check to make sure the safety rails are OSHA certified because they truly mean it when they say till death do you (come) apart!

About Ian Klink

As a filmmaker, writer, and artist, Ian Klink’s work includes the feature film Anybody’s Blues and short stories for Weren't Another Way to Be: Outlaw Fiction Inspired by Waylon Jennings, Negative Creep: A Nirvana-Inspired Anthology, A-Z of Horror: U is for Unexplained, The Creeps, Vampiress Carmilla, The Siren’s Call, and Chilling Tales For Dark Nights. Born and raised in Iowa, Klink lives with his family in Pennsylvania where he shares his talents as a teacher of multimedia studies.

View all posts by Ian Klink

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