You wicked little naughty boy! When was the last time you gave your mom a call on the phone? Is she doing okay (not that you would care since you’re a terrible son)? After all she did for you, giving you life, cooking and cleaning after yoru messes, and even taking your temperature by sticking a thermometer in… well, regardless, here is a dime. Now give your dear old mommy dearest (NO WIRE HANGERS!!!!!!!!) a ring-a-ling-a-ding. I know it’s been a while since you spoke, but ask how she is doing, if she is feeling okay, oh, and make sure she hasn’t ripped the throats out of any random people lately? Mommy issues are a common thing for young men who struggled in their early years with complicated relationships with their mothers (ask Norman Bates), which can result in attachment issues, manifestations of hatred toward partners, and even emotional impotency (I don’t think they have a blue pill for that). The psychological community has yielded millions of buckaroos in trying to help men solve their concerns with their mama (mia) troubles and woes, using an array of techniques from role playing to shock treatment. I doubt that in all the doctoral thesis research out there, anyone would ever have thought to use holy water and a cross! However, even in the worst psychological cases of Oedipus complex (gross), I’m sure there has never been a son who had to deal with a mom quite like Clay Drwyer does in the 1991 teeth-sinker-stinker Mom (“that will be an extra fifty cents to continue this call”).
From the early silent era of Nosferatu in 1922 to the thrilling seventies with Nosferatu in 1979 to the modern era of… well, Nosferatu in 2024, there have been hundreds (if not thousands) of vampire movies in all sorts of iterations. From the traditional Draculas of Bela Lugosi and Christopher Lee to the wild, offbeat 80s style like Near Dark and Vamp to box office bombshells like Sinners and Twilight (team Jacob all the way). Yet the award for “Most Original Matriarch Vampire Flick” has to go to this blood-curdling toothache ma and pa video shelf classic. Technically, it is a well-made film, with confident cinematography by David Sperling (Toxic Zombies) and a strong performance by veteran actress Jeanne Bates, who (talk about range) starred in everything from 40s serials like The Phantom to TV shows like Mannix to David Lynch films (I’m not sure this was on her resume at auditions)! Not only does it have a weirdly sympathetic vampire lore with Clay’s endearing mother, but the film holds a surprise lying inside its cardboard VHS coffin: the gift of Bryon James! From his villainous roles in such wonders as Blade Runner, Southern Comfort (in which you can’t understand a single word he says), and Enemy Mine to his comedy roles in Armed and Dangerous, The Fifth Element, and (my personal favorite, scout’s honor) The Wrong Guys, nobody had bigger range nor such a presence in the movie libraries of 80s and 90s kiddos. Yet, in Mom, he supersedes the impossible by playing a blind New Orleans vampire with a sensational appetite for flesh and blood (but not for Clay’s mother’s homemade pot roast). Having worked with everybody from Sly Stallone (Tango & Cash) to Laurence Olivier (The Jazz Singer), we lost James far too soon in 1999 to a heart attack, but his legacy will always live on in roles like Nestor Duvalier where he gives his all (even if the accent is a bit too much), and what more proof does one need to praise his legacy than the sheer fact that he was in the cult classic KISS Meets the Phantom of the Park as a security guard!
Poor Clay! It’s not easy being the son of an aging widow who needs to sublet a room during the harsh economic times, especially when Clay’s nightly news reporting stumbles upon a strange serial killer who is a real drain on the strange people they meet! Although his mom can handle herself for the most part, Clay worries that having strange men in the house could be harmful to her health. Boy, was Clay right. Arriving pretending to be blind, the illustrious and mysterious Nestor Duvalier (James) has more to offer Clay’s mother than just the rent (try two massive canines)! Cursed by his bite, yet free of the miseries of aging, Clay’s mother is at first enjoying the freedom, until her hunger grows. Feeling something is off with his mommy, Clay follows the two as they pick up random people off the street and take them out for dinner (literally)! Clay is a good son who defends his mother’s honor, defeating Nestor (in what must be one of the whackiest deaths of a vampire ever to heat the silver screen). Like most vampire films, the filmmakers veer off the beaten track as Clay’s mother still has the curse (as well as the munchies). Will Clay find a way to rid his mother of her vampiric doom, or will he be like most adult men with mommy issues and run as far away from her as possible (into the arms of a woman who acts just like his mother, except for the whole sunlight killing her thing)?
Biting hard into its one hour and thirty-five minutes, and the only film directed by Patrick Rand (who went on to edit classics like Death Wish V: The Face of Death and Scanner Cop II), Bryon James continued being a true gift by rising from the dead to appear in nine posthumous films (talk about being dedicated talent). You can see this film on streamers like Tubi, Prime, and YouTube, but it will be hard to find it on the DVD on the shelves next to the Mother’s Day cards, as it was never released on any other format than VHS. So, instead of paying the co-pays and spending hours in therapy to solve your mommy difficulties, maybe take a tip (of the wooden stake) from Clay’s book and stuff all of those feelings in a garlic-filled basement and learn how to be a lean, mean, vampire-killing S.O.B. (Son-Of-a-Bat)!
