When I was in high school (many eons ago) I played in the band, and my instrument of choice was percussion. I loved making the loudest noise possible so I tried the trap set. Now, I thought I could be the greatest jazz musician of all time, however, I always got a D+ in Band class (at least I passed) because I never went to my lessons. How did I deduce I could be a jazz musician without practice? It’s a little hard to believe when you think about it, but so is the plot of one of the only movies known to mankind about Soricidae, or as people commonly refer to them, shrews. For centuries (which is what time feels like watching bad movies often), people have confused these little mammal-like moles for mice. These innocent creatures get caught in mousetraps or swept away with a broom because they look like mice. However, there is only one place where these little marmots are a menace to society, and that is in the 1959 Drive-in classic The Killer Shrews (aka Attack of the Killer Shrews).
I don’t know what is better – the fact that Festus from Gunsmoke (“Marshall Dilllloooonnnnnn”) stars and produced this movie, or that he has stated it was the hardest acting gig ever because he bit his cheeks not to laugh at the costumed hounds dressed like shag carpets. Director Roy Kellog (He’s Greaaaaaat!) had a very successful career heading the special effects department at 20th Century Fox, having worked on such titles as Demetrius and the Gladiators, Carousel, and Gentleman Prefer Blondes (which he certainly did working on several Marilyn Monroe features). Desperate to break into directing, fate led Kellogg to Kurtis (whose pockets were filled with them-there gold nuggets from Dodge City), and a (un)holy alliance of cinematic mischievous developed. Pulling their financial resources together, the duo shot two films back to back, with almost the same cast and crew, lensing The Giant Gila Monster ( a Mexican Beaded Lizard in reality) along with this cult classic. Although the plot has some holes (we’re talking Swiss cheese in those mouse traps), overall it is a well-made B creature feature with some convincing acting (especially with his villainous turn for our goody western hero Curtis) and good effects for being made so cheap by first time features film helmers. Frank Zappa once stated this was one of his favorite films and given the covers for The Mothers of Inventions albums, it’s no surprise.
On a remote island (aren‘t they always remote?), a captain and his jazzy shipmate bring a scientific station their much-needed supplies, however, before they can row, row, row their boat out, there is a storm brewing. Even though the scientists insist they weather through the storm to leave the island, the captain insists they stay, fearing the boat will be ripped apart. Since there is nothing to do, the captain wanders around and finds these scientists have been playing a little game called ‘God’ by isolating DNA for human growth and metabolism to deal with overpopulation (and the fast food consumption of Americans). Like all scientists who dress up like the great bearded one in the sky, there are consequences for their actions. One evening, because one of the clumsy scientists is drunk on one of their experimental concoctions (with gin and rum), a group of shrews that were experimented on escape, and let’s just say in the wild there is a lot of jungle love (o-we-o-we-o)! However, like most creatures of their earth, after a little afternoon delight, they are hungry… and growing! Will our heroes barrel off the island before becoming snack food or will they be able to make Billy Shakespeare proud and tame the shrews?
Super-sizing your way at an extra-small sixty-nine minutes, the investment of Kellog and Curtis paid off (literally and figurately) with their original $100,000 yielding over one million dollars in rentals at the time alone. Being one of the first members of the National Bank of Public Domain, you can find an infestation of these varments on any streaming service or dollar-bin DVD completion, but for a crisp 4K version (with killer special features) don’t be mouse-ish in getting the Film Masters two-disc edition. If your dream vacation is to watch movies on a crystal beach without the fear of being nibbled (unless it’s with your true lover) then set your Sony Super Betamax SL-HF550 sails toward forbidden seas, and while you turn your yacht rock to some smooth jazz, be sure that squeaking sound isn’t just coming from below deck!
