According to nerdy scientists out there with several degrees (and broken glasses with tape around the middle) there are over one hundred billion stars in the Milky Way galaxy alone. So let’s say that each of those has at least one planet with one form of intelligent life (not just life… intelligent life, please), then that means there is a possibility of one hundred million chances that some form of alien lifeform could visit us here on Earth. However, if they land their ship and run into the sliced-up shirt, beer-guzzling, womanizing hillbillies this film seems to want us to know if true intelligent life, then I say we put up a giant sign on the moon that says “DETOUR THIS WAY →” Some might look at this as a terrible movie (I can’t lie I am in this camp sort of) but one could also look at the 1980s cult classic The Galaxy Invader from independent filmmaker Don Dohler as a true documentary on how our society would truly react to if Aliens crashlanded on our planet and ran into those who might be able to vote!
In the 1970s Baltimore Native Don Doghler was an avid fan of films and even wrote magazine articles on the impact of special effects and their use in the cinematic arts. Inspired by other independent directors like George A. Romper and Baltimore’s other famous son (or depending on who you ask around there the son they want to forget), Dohler took it upon himself to make his first feature film of The Alien Factor for four thousand dollars with friends and family as the cast and crew. I have often poked fun at the idea of independents doing this, but only if they are trying to set their ambition to compete with Hollywierd and all of the resources they have. You cannot make a five-star steak by buying meat paste in a tube, so don’t try! I appreciate Dohler for knowing his limitations. Dohlker never wanted to be huge in Tinseltown but wanted to make a film that people saw and could learn from. I say he was successful and The Galaxy Invader is a good example of what you can do if you pursue a dream, no matter the resources. Would any aspect of this film win an Oscar? Of course not (maybe a Razzy or two), but as long as Dohler made investments back and a few profits, he enjoyed just that. Shot around Baltimore using friends’ homes and locations, Dohler was able to bring in the product under budget, with enough entertainment value for it to release locally in theatres and nationally on VHS to not-so-good reviews but plenty of fans, even if they are poking a little fun at. To them I also say director Tim Burton put the mathematics of what it takes to make a movie, and based on the results, the computer said it is empirically impossible to make a move with all the human factors involved, Don Dohler was out there making films, succeeding, and sitting back as his filmed grew in reputation (good or bad) and having a true legacy as a result. Talk about a fish out of water kind of storytelling!
An alien speeds through the cosmos (trying to find a rest stop I’m sure) and finds itself crash-landing in the countryside of Baltimore. As it wanders through the foliage, it loses an important battle armament, a spherical globe, that assists in firing its weapon. It just so happens in the same area as Farmer Joe, a sliced-up shirt, beer-guzzling, womanizing hillbilly who knows something is wrong. With the help of his son (the way too old for the role, but always magical George Stover, a Dohler regular), Farmer Joe searches the area and stumbles upon the sphere, but also stumbles upon the alien! Having witnessed the crash in the skies, a university student allocates the help of his professor to see if they have discovered intelligent life… in Baltimore… yeah right… (jk). As Farmer Joe gets his hunting buddies involved in the hunt for the alien, the professor and student do their best to get everyone to understand the significance of this discovery and try their best to persuade everyone to make peace, love, and happiness but instead get fighting, hate, and rudeness (might be the chill from all the holes in their clothing). Eventually, Farmer Joe goes off the deep end, becoming obsessed with yielding the power of the alien’s weapons. Will Farmer Joe turn into the very thing he is trying to protect everyone from, an evil creature hellbent on destroying the world, or will the purveyors of truth and knowledge make it so everyone says “I come in peace” instead of “pieces”?
Orbing your way at an invading seventy-two minute, Dohler went on to make several other hometown classics like Nightbeast and Blood Massacre, but if you can find it watch the documentary of his career from Troma Entertainment called Blood, Boobs, and Beasts: The Don Dohler Story. Like Farmer Joe, you can get your filthy, dirty hands on this story almost anywhere due to it falling into public domain status right away, but like Farmer Joe try to get your hands on the DVD through Alpha Video and the Rifftrax version for sure! So the next time you stare up into the night skies wondering if we are truly alone, remember we might not be the only intelligent life in the solar system. However, due to our intelligence as a species aliens might want to leave us alone, period!
