B Movie Challenge: Nice Girls Don’t Explode

Once upon a time, Alfred Kinsey did a research project in which he discovered (shockingly) many people had nookie-nookie before they slapped on a wedding band. This report seemed to blow the minds of every single parent out there oblivious to the juvenile jungle shenanigans at the Drive-In! At least their minds were blown up instead of their cat, house, or fancy Corvette, like what happens to most boys who try to spark some romance with young April in the 1987 stick-of-dynamite called Nice Girls Don’t Explode (they get even). April Flowers will bring May showers when the fire department hoses her raging hormones in this campy Regan-era “say no to whoopie” classic!

It’s fascinating to me this film has been lost as if all the copies burnt in a house fire. Not only do you have one of the rare performances by the queen of cool Barbara Harris (Freaky Friday and Alfred Hitchcock’s Family Plot), or a weirdo-more-than-usual from  the legendary Wallace (Inconceivable!) Shawn (Heaven Help Us and The Princess Bride), but the sheer fact this is one of the last on-screen performances from an actress who never really got her due (but we all grew up watching) Michelle Meyrink (Revenge of the Nerds and Real Genius)! These three alone would be worth firing up a few torches and pillaging the VHS bins of Goodwill for a copy, but the movie itself is so lit it’s lighted (I know, I’m cool). Set up almost like an American international monster movie from the 50s, the filmmakers could have called this I Was A Teenage Fireball Who Melted The World When I Got Horny: or How Mother Was a Psycho and I Learned to Love  (a bit long, but you get it all in the title). Although the performances are smokin’, the costumes were ablaze, and the production design sizzles, the one thing this film didn’t heat up was the box office, simmering in a lukewarm $65,000 (now that’s a bomb mommy can be proud of)!

Since she was a little girl, little April Flowers was told she was a firecracker, not because of her nice personality, but because of her flaming personality. Anytime April would get excited things would explode. Her bedroom, the grass, and even her cat would feel the burn from April. Hoping it would go away as she got older (good luck), and wanting what we all want in life which is a little love and companionship, April still attempts to date… to disastrous results (aren’t all dates like this, though?). Enter back the true love of her life, Andy (played perfectly by William O’Leary of Home Improvement fame).

It seems like true love might conquer all until those spicy hormones yearn (and burn) for Andy, but he sees a backdraft in the corner. Turns out April is normal and it has been Mommy all these years getting mini-bombs from anti-social pyromaniac Shawn to prevent April from eventually leaving her for a normal life! Realizing April must stop the world and melt with Andy, Mommy learns to let go for her daughter’s sake (as well as let go of the detonator buttons). 

Blistering your way at ninety-two minutes, and directed by Chuck Martinez (who went on to direct episodes of Superboy), the soundtrack is filled with songs dealing with the subject of fire like “Fever” and “I Don’t Want To Set The World On Fire” (too bad it cost too much for Buster Poindexter’s “Hot! Hot! Hot!). It is hard to find a VHS copy as it was only released on DVD in foreign markets, but thank goodness for streaming services like Tubi where you can watch it! So warm up in a sweater by the fireplace, roast some government cheese stuffed hotdogs, and cozy up next to the love of your life as you watch this hot sauced T.N.T. (just make sure your couch is flame retardant).


About Ian Klink

As a filmmaker, writer, and artist, Ian Klink’s work includes the feature film Anybody’s Blues, his thesis film adaptation of Stephen King’s The Man Who Would Not Shake Hands, the novel Lucky for Newfangle Press, and he has written short stories for Weren't Another Way to Be: Outlaw Fiction Inspired by Waylon Jennings, The Creeps, Vampiress Carmilla, The Siren’s Call, and Chilling Tales For Dark Nights audio cast. Klink shares his talents as a teacher of multimedia studies in Pennsylvania.

View all posts by Ian Klink

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