B Movie Challenge: Mob Queen

Alright, you little hoodlum wannabee gangster screenwriters. I’m only going to tell you once so listen up! If you are stuck trying to write a billion-dollar script staring at a blank Final Draft screen, get that linguine out of your head and play the movie blender game. Capice? You know, when you take the plot of two really good movies, mix it in a blender (along with some stromboli and alfredo sauce), and bang! You got a script that will sell faster than the FOlexes off the back of the semi-trucks. It’s an industry trick so well known it’s commonplace knowledge (I’m not the first to talk about it so I ain’t no rat!). Kinda like what the screenwriters did for Mob Queen, a movie literally sold on what happens when you mix long strands of penne from Donnie Brasco, add thinly slice garlic from Goodfellas, and sprinkle in some sausage from The Crying Game (Mamma Mia, that’s a spicy meatball!).

Not only is this a movie with David Proval but a movie with Proval in the lead role! Forget about it! Seeing the words “Starring David Proval” is enough to give anyone five to ten in the slammer for disorderly conduct at the video store. Having worked with everyone from Martin Scorsese (Mean Streets) to ‘Weird’ Al Yankovich (UHF) to James Gandol-f*$king-fini (The Sopranoes), Proval is usually regulated towards being thug #2 in the background or in a scene long enough for your dad to say “oh, it’s that guy in every mafia movie.” Here, though,  we finally get a chance to let him carry a movie and he does it better than a bank thief hauling thousands of dollars in cash (with ten percent going to Uncle Vito, of course.)  The film was done on the cheap (figures) and sometimes the setting of the 1950s looks like people in 50s wannabe clothes in the late 1990s New York setting, but all bets aside, it works alright. I’ve seen a lot of mafia movies and (you can take a contract out on me for saying this) most fall short of grace. At least Mob Queen enjoys itself for what it is and never tries to hide from the imperfections (although without making the investor’s money back, I’m sure there were a few bodies to hide).

The plot really is a mix of all the cliche mafia movies meat-cleaved into an Italian sausage, with The Crying Game as the binder. Proval is a small-time crook, who is close to being the consigliere to the head of the family (played wonderfully by the late great Sopranoes alum Tony Sirico).

To get in good with the boss he sets him up with a new girl on the street, Glorice, whom he fell for (played by transgender actress Candis Cayne), until he realizes Glorice real secret and must do everything he can to fix it. Still, there is one problem: The boss has fallen in love and wants to marry Glorice! Upon reading this you might think the filmmakers would disrespectfully screw this up, but in reality, they do one hell of a job of being ahead of their time. The chemistry between Proval, Siricio, and Cayne keep you entertained and everyone involved seems to stand behind the story (even if the breadsticks are a little overcooked in the acting and design). 

Tommy-gunning at you in 87 minutes, this little celluloid crime was directed by Jon Camoy (whose other directorial effort was called Pee Stains and Other Disasters) and has grown a reputation over the years, not just for the mafioso cast, but for the set of balls this woke production offered. You can find this capo dei capi streaming online via Youtube or in full frame on Tubi. So finish off that contract you agreed upon, slice up some microwaved Cannoli with hot dog-flavored custard, and make your TV an offer it won’t refuse!

About Ian Klink

As a filmmaker, writer, and artist, Ian Klink’s work includes the feature film Anybody’s Blues and short stories for Weren't Another Way to Be: Outlaw Fiction Inspired by Waylon Jennings, Negative Creep: A Nirvana-Inspired Anthology, A-Z of Horror: U is for Unexplained, The Creeps, Vampiress Carmilla, The Siren’s Call, and Chilling Tales For Dark Nights. Born and raised in Iowa, Klink lives with his family in Pennsylvania where he shares his talents as a teacher of multimedia studies.

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