It’s the most wonderful time of the year! With the kids going back to school and all the parents telling all of the good cheer! It’s the hap-happiest season of all, with those nervous school greetings and (lame) faculty meetings, when hearts will be glowing when loved ones head off to school (hallelujah)! It’s the hap-happiest season of all! That’s right, folks. Summer’s over and school’s in session, so it’s time to place that Alice Cooper 45 of “School’s Out” back in its dust jacket protector, and time for the kiddos (nerds) to put on their pocket protectors. And thank goodness for the Department of Education, because thanks to them, those young, adolescent, minor, youngster youth affectionately known as juvenile delinquents, or better term for them yet, teenagers, are off the street, protecting the people who are far superior and must be protected at all costs from these hideous tweensters – adults! That’s right, the same grown-ups who told you to stay healthy by zapping your brains while smoking unfiltered cigarettes, warned us of the dangers from a newly identified group of young children, between the ages of thirteen and nineteen, who apparently began to run amok when the post-WWII economy thrived. And as if these warnings weren’t heeded enough, Hollyweird jumped on the bandwagon by producing a salacious (chalk)slate of wonky-bonky killer thrillers, such as the 1955’s Teenage Crimewave, to warn parents if they were aware of the mischief their youthful but truthful weekend warriors in teenage wasteland were doing in the middle of the night (it’s ten o’clock, do you know who your kids are beating up?). The only major problem is these films played at the drive-in and matinees where their teenagers were staying out instead of getting into trouble!
Ignored by the major studios, the influence of the (detestable) teenage market on the movie industry was confusing for executives at the time. Challenged by the great suburbanization movement and the rise of the free television market, theatre owners were desperate to get (cigarette) butts back into the seats. After trying such novelty gimmicks as 3-D, free popcorn and air conditioning, and yes, tactics like Smell-O-Vision cards (and yes, it stunk in more ways than one), it was seeing early pioneers like American International Pictures turning to putting youngsters in their films as main characters that brought these (incorrigible) teenagers to buy tickets, leading to souring quarters, even if they had to clean up more popcorn in the aisles (see, absolutely criminals). However, upon viewing the early films to depict zits, thugs, and rock ‘n’ roll (such as this film alongside such scholarly endeavors as Teenage Bad Girl, Juvenile Jungle, Teenage Hellcats, and I Was a Teenage Frankenstein), it is clear the upright mature citizens in charge of productions needed to repeat a few grades to garner better knowledge of the young and restless! Released through Columbia Pictures, then mostly known for their shorts of The Three Stooges, who had had a hit with the Stanley Kramer/Marlon Brando film The Wild One, completely missed the cultural significance and interpreted its success due to the “youth gone wild” storyline. Yet, as the storyline unfolds for Teenage Crimewave, it slowly turns into a cliché, a boring history lesson about how the adults will always be the true heroes in life (great, my new schedule has history class after lunch, guaranteed to make everyone fall asleep). Almost every aspect of the film is incorrect (like an AI-generated term paper), from how the juvenile justice system works to the overly dramatic situations (not to mention acting) to the sheer (and mind-numbing) fact that these so-called teenagers have five o’clock shadows and wrinkled crow’s feet! Though not a complete red-circled F, as the plot moves fast like a hot rod and keeps attention long enough for being a bottle movie (you might need a bottle of something to get to the end of the boring period), the constant reminder of how evil the young lads and ladies of the future feels like someone dragging their nails across the chalkboard!
Sometimes you are in the wrong place at the wrong time with the wrong juvenile delinquents, or at least this is the case for young Jane, who is arrested while on a double date when her fellow peers decide to rob an outstanding older member of the community (who just happened to be trying to take one of the youngsters back to his place for a disturbing private lesson). Since all teenagers do is lie, cheat, and steal, Jane and her supposed cohorts are escorted to prison when her wanted date, Mike, helps them escape by killing the cops. Not wanting to spend her time in jail for a crime she did not commit, Jane and the others make a getaway to a small farm where they hold a farmer’s family hostage. While wasting time (both on and off the screen), the group eventually makes another run when the cops arrive to do a wellness check. Eventually the teenage dirtbags make their way (magically and geographically impossibly) to the Griffith Observatory for some odd reason (like a movie rebel with a cause, huh?) where they must take a stand. Will these doggone, rotten, no-good ragamuffins keep fighting authority, or will authority finally win before they get suspended for plagiarism!
Saved by the bell at a pencil sharp seventy-six minutes, and directed by Columbia Pictures journeyman director Fred F. Sears (who made criminally underrated gems like Rock Around the Clock!, Earth vs. The Flying Saucers, and The Night the World Exploded), the marketing team tried to successfully promote actress Mollie McCart’s pixie cut to be the next big fashion, yet failed to make the grade due to bombing upon its initial release. You can find this on most streaming platforms, but try to find the rift version from MS3TK, which was voted into the top one hundred episodes of the show! So, as a responsible adult who worries about the shocking drama of today’s teenage terrors, have no fears, as they are safe and sound in schools, terrorizing the teacher! It’s the most wonderful time of the year!
