The creeps. The willies. The Jimjams. The screaming-meemies. The Goosebumpies. The skincrawlies. The Collywoobies. A thousand and one other names to call the feeling you get when something spooky occurs. These are just some idioms (or idiots if you watch crappy films) for the feelings that engulf someone who is nervous or fears the unease and discomfort from some really creepy (or crappy) stuff! However, I doubt any of these idioms would have been on the audience’s faces when they saw the premiere of the 1986 American independent horror creepy-cheapy film Spookies. Ignorant. Dense. Silly. Unintelligent. Dopey. Fatuous. Obtuse. Irrational. Insane. Maddening. Unreasonable. Doltish. Boneheaded. Brain-dead. Mindless. Brainless. Witless. Senseless. Moronic. Lamebrained. Dunderheaded. Dim-witted. Any (or all) of these words could be used to describe this almost plotless and yet plot-ripped-off cinematic tombstone, but one word does describe the feeling one gets after viewing this cacophony (or coffin) of spooktacular grave movie mistakes: wild!
Cacophony is a perfect word to describe this film. So is blender. Or minced-meat. Chopped together over several years, the movie is a stew of other similarly horrific (but better) films that came before it. Like a recipe (for disaster), the filmmakers took a dash of Evil Dead, a hunk of Michael Jackson’s Thriller, and hopes and dreams for effects that would rival John Carpenter’s The Thing and gave the world something… well, something that tastes awfully funny (and not in the LOL way). It started as a film in 1984 called Twisted Souls by friendly filmmakers Frank Farel, Brendan Faulkner, and Thomas Doran, but due to the film’s financier, Michael Lee, suing the filmmakers for delivering a not-so-delicious four-star meal of a film (watching it apparently gave him the wibble-wobblies), they eventually hired other filmmakers to add additional scenes and edit the final project. Understandably so, the original trio were not thrilled with the final project and tried their best to get it out of the clawed hands of the terrible Mr. Lee, but like most of the spooks and ghouls sliced (literally) throughout the picture (for no good reason or plot development), it did little to no good! Looking more like a calling card for the special make-up artists who worked on the project, the story plays second fiddle for some, alright, if not somewhat impressive, gruesome make-up, including a weird miniature Creature from the Black Lagoon, small fry, and a dazzling spider woman whose kiss I would not want to salivate for! Eventually, Lee gave the film a limited release. Still, thanks to a great VHS cover by artist Richard Corben (of Heavy Metal fame) and repeated viewings on the USA Network, the film found a small but loyal cult following over the years.
The movie opens with little impatient birthday boy Billy, who has run away from home and has found himself near the frightening charm of an abandoned mansion in the middle of the woods. But the mansion is not as abandoned as it seems. Through the cracked paint and dust bunnies lie a plethora of creepy-peepers, musty-crusties, and a slew of screaming-meanies who want to blow out Billy’s birthday candle. And then they do. End of the (extra footage) Billy story. Now onto the original plot of Twisted Souls, which involves a group of party-hearty college friends who think it’s time to rock this world like a hurricane by drinking, smoking, and… dying! Borrowing a little Sam Raimi structure, the gang (along with some guy who’s like fifty-five for some reason) finds a pseudo-Ouija-esque board and literally all hell breaks loose. Throw in some words like parsley, sage, rosemary, and a couple of muck-rucking, farting dirty dirt bags, and we get one hell of alphabet SFX soup (I’m missing the vowels in my can).
Creeping its way at a frightening eighty-five minutes, the film was known enough to secure a somewhat loosely (I mean like a loose meat sandwich) sequel called Killer Dead in 1992, which also has the unique opportunity to be referred to sometimes as Non-Vegetarian Zombies from Outer Space. You can find this film on streamers like Tubi and Prime, but don’t limit yourself to only getting the Blu-Ray from Vinegar Syndrome. Be sure to own the equally wild and crazy original motion picture soundtrack by James Calabrese and Kenneth Higgins from Terror Vision! So, the next time you stumble upon a crumbling mansion in the middle of the woods with your friends, be sure to pack between the rippled salty chips and local brewed beers a thesaurus to describe what is giving you the heebie-jeebies at the drive-in!
