I have never liked Hallmark movies. They all follow the same story: A jaded girl boss who is too engrossed in her big city job to have time for love falls for a down-to-earth guy who sweeps her off her feet. However, this overtold plot proves to be far more interesting when a serial killer is involved.
When I first saw the trailer for Josh Ruben’s Heart Eyes, I wasn’t intrigued enough to fully commit it to my watchlist. But when Regal Cinemas (my go-to movie theater) announced that all loyalty members would receive an exclusive set of Valentine’s Day cards if they saw the movie on opening weekend (see below), I decided I’d check it out. Free valentines aside, I sure am glad I did!
The Plot
The plot is pretty straightforward: For the past few years, a serial killer known by the moniker “Heart Eyes Killer” (or “HEK”) has spent Valentine’s Day murdering couples. A woman named Ally (played by Olivia Holt) is on track to lose her job at an advertising company after heading a poorly received campaign with “till death do us part” as its theme, since the public views it as capitalizing on the deaths of HEK’s victims. The company brings in a freelancer named Jay (played by Mason Gooding of Scream fame) to fix Ally’s PR disaster. When Heart Eyes spies the pair of temporary colleagues together, he mistakes them for a couple due to their undeniable chemistry and attempts to kill them. After surviving HEK’s attacks, Ally and Jay team up to stop his annual murder spree.
There are a few minor plot holes that bothered me a bit. For example, why does Ally have boxing gloves in her room yet she never uses them, or even bare-fisted boxing skills, to fight the killer? There are also two particular moves that Heart Eyes makes—specifically, leaving a wedding band at a crime scene and framing someone by leaving the signature Heart Eyes mask in that person’s possession—that were never fully explained and I still don’t understand. In addition, I personally found the killer reveal to be very predictable even after a few red herrings that tried to make me think my original suspicions were wrong. Nevertheless, the story kept me completely engaged, to the point that I couldn’t bring myself to get up and tell a theater employee about the unsupervised teens causing a ruckus in the back of the auditorium because I didn’t want to miss a single second.
The Kills
Although the trailer gives away one of the most brutal kills in the movie, there are still plenty more to witness. As a Valentine’s Day-themed killer, it’s perfectly appropriate that HEK’s weapons include a fleet of arrows with heart-shaped fletching and a knife with a heart-shaped hole in the handle. He also uses a normal machete. I kind of wish all of the kills had involved heart-shaped weapons, though I suppose this may have been overkill (no pun intended). HEK’s on-screen body count isn’t insanely high as the movie focuses more on his pursuit of Ally and Jay, but the ones we do see are pretty gruesome.
The Humor
This movie does not take itself seriously whatsoever, and that’s what I love about it. Ridiculously cheesy one-liners such as “Love hurts, bitch” are strewn throughout the script, and while the characters seem perfectly serious when they say them it’s so melodramatic that you just have to laugh (or at the very least roll your eyes). One of the more emotional moments in the film takes place while two intoxicated characters are loudly having sex in the background, making it difficult to focus on the earnest dialogue without giggling. The banter between Ally and Jay is exactly what you would expect from any rom com, and every word out of Ally’s best friend Monica’s mouth is hilarious. This is easily one of the funniest horror movies I’ve ever watched!
Overall
Heart Eyes far exceeded my expectations – though I suppose I shouldn’t be too surprised, since it’s from one of the same studios that brought us Eli Roth’s holiday slasher Thanksgiving. It masterfully blends the tropes of both slashers and romantic comedies to create a gory love story that keeps you on your toes. BTW, make sure to stick around for the post credits scene!
